Bless god hallelujah for the KCM Ministry partners! I want you, our partners, to continue to pray for the hundredfold return as you send in your money.Today I've got some very exciting news. Gloria and I are going to combine the West Coast Believer's Convention with the new Los Angeles Outpouring and we're interviewing our newest son in the faith, Todd Bentley.
Todd, we've been watching you and it is just amazing what god is doing through you. We've seen you being persecuted on ABC and we can certainly relate to that in light of our recent conflict with Senator Grassley. One of the things ABC tried to nail you on was your troubled past. Todd, tell us a little about that.
Todd: BAM SHEEKA BAM BAM! Sorry Ken. Well, it's true. I'm a convicted child molester. I molested a young boy when I was 13. But I'm making myself accountable to Bob Jones. He's kind of like a father in the faith.
Ken: Bob Jones? Is that the same Bob Jones that was defrocked for having women stand naked in his office so they could hear from god?
Todd: Yes, Ken, he is. But he's repented, and he's vibrating clockwise now, so everything seems to be O.K.
Ken: Vibrating?
Todd: Well, as Bob said when he endorsed the Lakeland outpouring, if you vibrate clockwise that's a righteous thing. But vibrating counter-clockwise is of the devil. BAM! SHEEKA BAM!
Ken: Huh?
Todd: Sorry, I saw that on Emeril. Just thought it was sort of fun. I use it on stage. It's kinda fun to scare the hell out of people. Makes 'em fall down if I don't blow hard enough.
Ken: Speaking of blowing, Isn't Paul Cain, alcoholic and practicing homosexual one of the original Kansas City Prophets guys that made Bob Jones famous?
Todd: Yea, but I really like Paul. Kids really like him and I actually meet a lot of kids hanging around Paul.
Ken: Really? So he helps you in your ministry to young children.
Todd: Yea, I love children. Every chance I get I minister to children. Ken, you suppose I could take a few little ones on that X-10 Jet of yours? BAM! KABOOM! SHABANG SHEEKA SHEEKA!
Ken: Todd, would you stop doing that...at least until the interview is over?
Todd: Sorry Ken.
Ken: About the X-10 Todd, we'll have to look into that. We were just about to take a hunting..er ministry trip to Africa.
Todd: Speaking of Africa, I raised 3,458 people from the dead in Africa over the cellphone! FIRE FIRE FIRE!
Ken: Todd please!
Todd: Sorry.
Ken: Back to the miracles. That's cool Todd. Gloria and I do a lot of miracles there where the press doesn't try to bother us so much with all that verifying stuff. People just have more faith in Africa. They're sowing into our ministry like crazy!
Ken: By the way Todd, why does your head shake like that?
Todd: It started one day SHEEKA on the playground Ken. Just watching little kids go back and forth on the playground. Haven't been able to stop it ever since then.
Bless my most high god Todd. I guess that's all for today. Gloria and I have to go pray over the letters in our warehouse so we can tell the news guys that we pray over every letter. We'll check into the whole X-10 thing and get back with you.
3 comments:
Advise to Todd from Kenny:
Todd, this is an advise from the International Association of Blabber Grabbers: You should read the book of Romans again and again. Justification is not by works but by faith alone. So don't worry. You have faith that has already justified you. All you need is to confess your faith according to Romans 10:9. Remember Romans 10:9 does not ask us to repent, that old fashioned word used by the likes of Moody, Finney, Wesley, Whitefield and other guilt imparting preachers. They did not have the full revelation about the gospel. So just confess with your mouth "Jesus is Lord" and "Through the blood of Jesus I have been justified". Don't let guilty feelings overcome you! You should not repent or confess because don't you know you are supposed to walk by faith and not by feelings. When your conscience tells something don't listen. It is just a feeling . Just rely on the word which says you are justified by faith.
Victor,
BLESS GOD TODD IS A LITTLE GOD, HALLELUJAH! Your advice was perfect! That confession thing is one of my favorites! Todd likes it too. He took your advice and read Romans over and over again. He needs a little help explaining away a few verses though.
Personally, I just ignore 'em, but I told him I would ask. Here they are.
Rom 2:6 He will reward each one according to his works :
Rom 2:7 eternal life to those who by perseverance in good works seek glory and honor and immortality,
Rom 2:8 but wrath and anger to those who live in selfish ambition and do not obey the truth but follow unrighteousness.
Hello Todd, welcome to the club of blabber-grabbers. You have taken a few verses from the book of Romans out of context and forgot the central theme of Romans: Justification is by faith alone and not by WORKS! When Paul wrote Romans chapter 2 he did not have the "full" revelation of the concept of justification. In the following chapters Paul's "complete" revelation about justification is evident!
Also I would like to remind you that the "works" concept is progressive! Don't you know salvation/santification is an on-going, step-by-step and gradual process! So don't expect something to happen instantly. It does not work that way. You have been already justified by faith, trust me, Jesus has made you whole and His blood has already sanctified you! You are good to go dude!
Let me explain the concept of progressive salvation a bit: If you uttered 10 lies a day before your salvation then you are likely to utter 7 lies a day after salvation then it drops to 5, 3 etc. Until Jesus comes back you will not be completely santified. Got it? Another example if you had committed adultry with 10 women before salvation you can expect the count to drop down to 7,5 etc.. So don't be discouraged. Just keep and recite the "positve confession" sheet that Ken and Glo sent you the other day! Ken and Glo are also declaring you as a righteous person before the throne of the Lord non-stop!
Take care!
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