Fake Kenneth Copeland: Bless god, HALLELUJAH PARTNERS! Today, I'd like to introduce you to a long-time friend of mine -- one of my very best friends, in fact. Her name is Cindy Jacobs. Cindy lives right here in Dallas, bless god, and believe it or not, she is mine and Gloria's personal prophetess. You know, whenever Glo and I are faced with a big decision, we always consult Cindy. She's got a seer annointing, right Cindy?
Cindy Jacobs: That's Doctor Cindy, if you don't mind, Ken.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: You bet, Doctor Cindy. Anyway, Cindy has some big, big news about a very special line of clothing she has created. So without further delay, Cindy, the floor is yours.
Cindy Jacobs: Doctor, Ken...I have a doctorate.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Right, right. By the way, where'd you get that doctorate?
Cindy Jacobs: From Kathmandu Seminary in Nepal. May I speak now?
Fake Kenneth Copeland: I'm sorry, sure. Go ahead, Cindy.
Cindy Jacobs: DOCTOR!! All right, well, as you know, Ken, I am a very annointed woman. The annointing rests heavy upon me. In fact, Charisma readers have voted my "Most Annointed Woman" for five years running now. And, Ken, as you are well aware, I absolutely love clothes. I just love 'em! You know, it's funny, my kids say I am a freak for clothes. And they're right. I am mad for clothes.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: And?
Cindy Jacobs: Well, one day while I was soaking in a special salt bath -- the salt came from the Dead Sea, thank you very much -- while I was soaking, Holy Spirit spoke to my spirit in an audible voice. Clear as day, He said: "When I was naked, you did not clothe me."
Fake Kenneth Copeland: The words of Jesus?
Cindy Jacobs: Sure, sure. Anyway, I rightly divided the word -- I do have a doctorate, you know -- and I knew then and there what God wanted me to do.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: And what was that?
Cindy Jacobs: Well, isn't it obvious? Doh! He was asking me to create a line of designer clothing.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Now that is exciting! Tell us more!
Cindy Jacobs: I don't mean to keep tooting my own horn here, but as I've said before, I am very, very annointed. The most annointed, according to Charisma. I exude the annointing. God revealed to me that the annointing which I bear is unlike any other. God actually told me that this annointing is transferrable.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: That's all very interesting, but what does that have to do with your new line of designer clothing?
Cindy Jacobs: It has everything to do with it, Ken. Don't you see, Ken. I have an Elijah annointing. I can transfer my annointing to the clothes.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Cha-Ching!
Cindy Jacobs: Exactly. So you see where I'm going with this. Honestly, Ken, I think I'm sitting on a goldmine here. I can transfer my annointing to each any every piece of clothing we produce. Any self-respecting Charismatic woman who wants to look her best and operate in apostolic power will definitely be wearing Cindy Jacobs this year.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Aren't you really saying that, as Christians, we don't have to settle for second-class garments or hand-me-downs? I mean, we're King's Kids, right?
Cindy Jacobs: Ken, that is exactly what I'm saying.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Boy, this puts a whole new spin to whole "walking in the annointing" thing. Partners, this is very exciting! All right, Cindy, this new line of designer clothes, will it just be for women? You're not gonna leave us boys out in the rain, are you?
Cindy Jacobs: Ha, ha! No, Ken, don't worry. I've designed some very nice things for you men. In fact, we've sent prototypes of all Cindy Jacobs designs to every male member of the International Coalition of Apostles. So far, we've gotten nothing but rave reviews.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Amen!
Cindy Jacobs: Annnndddd. Also, for you fellas...
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Yea? Yeaaaa?
Cindy Jacobs: I have designed a special line of very naughty underthings just for the gals. I'm calling it the "Simply Cindy" collection. Pure silk. Crimson and hot pink. You know Victoria's Secret?
Fake Kenneth Copeland: That is none of your bidness.
Cindy Jacobs: Huh?
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Never mind. Continue.
Cindy Jacobs: And like everything else in the line, each item in the "Simply Cindy" collection is embroidered with a scripture verse. And, again, they all come with my transferrable annointing.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: What about washing? Does it dilute the annointing?
Cindy Jacobs: No, it doesn't. Same for dry-cleaning. I've written extensively about this subject in my book, The Super-Natural Life. Chapter 4 is entitled "Does Dry Cleaning Hurt the Anointing?" Seriously. Check out my book and you'll see.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Okay, final question. I'm sorry to do this, but you know Grassley has been riding my butt these last few months. So I have to ask you: where does the money go?
Cindy Jacobs: A portion of every purchase will go toward keeping my web site, Generals International, up and running. The rest of the money will go to fund my Light The Highway project. Have you heard of it?
Fake Kenneth Copeland: No.
Cindy Jacobs: Oh, it's great. Light The Highway is dedicated to people who want to make Interstate 35 a highway for the Lord.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Interstate 35? Why I-35?
Cindy Jacobs: Because that is the highway God speaks about in Isaiah 35.
Cindy Jacobs: That's right.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: You know, don't you, that chapters weren't added to the Bible until around the 13th century?
Cindy Jacobs: I know! Isn't that awesome how God knew about I-35 way back then?
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Hmm. Okay, well, that's all we have time for today. Cindy, thank you so much for stopping by. I know in my knower that you are gonna do gangbusters with the Cindy Jacobs collection. You have a very strong annointing. You'll do well. I decree it!
Cindy Jacobs: Thank you, Ken. And it's Doctor.
Cindy Jacobs: That's Doctor Cindy, if you don't mind, Ken.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: You bet, Doctor Cindy. Anyway, Cindy has some big, big news about a very special line of clothing she has created. So without further delay, Cindy, the floor is yours.
Cindy Jacobs: Doctor, Ken...I have a doctorate.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Right, right. By the way, where'd you get that doctorate?
Cindy Jacobs: From Kathmandu Seminary in Nepal. May I speak now?
Fake Kenneth Copeland: I'm sorry, sure. Go ahead, Cindy.
Cindy Jacobs: DOCTOR!! All right, well, as you know, Ken, I am a very annointed woman. The annointing rests heavy upon me. In fact, Charisma readers have voted my "Most Annointed Woman" for five years running now. And, Ken, as you are well aware, I absolutely love clothes. I just love 'em! You know, it's funny, my kids say I am a freak for clothes. And they're right. I am mad for clothes.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: And?
Cindy Jacobs: Well, one day while I was soaking in a special salt bath -- the salt came from the Dead Sea, thank you very much -- while I was soaking, Holy Spirit spoke to my spirit in an audible voice. Clear as day, He said: "When I was naked, you did not clothe me."
Fake Kenneth Copeland: The words of Jesus?
Cindy Jacobs: Sure, sure. Anyway, I rightly divided the word -- I do have a doctorate, you know -- and I knew then and there what God wanted me to do.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: And what was that?
Cindy Jacobs: Well, isn't it obvious? Doh! He was asking me to create a line of designer clothing.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Now that is exciting! Tell us more!
Cindy Jacobs: I don't mean to keep tooting my own horn here, but as I've said before, I am very, very annointed. The most annointed, according to Charisma. I exude the annointing. God revealed to me that the annointing which I bear is unlike any other. God actually told me that this annointing is transferrable.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: That's all very interesting, but what does that have to do with your new line of designer clothing?
Cindy Jacobs: It has everything to do with it, Ken. Don't you see, Ken. I have an Elijah annointing. I can transfer my annointing to the clothes.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Cha-Ching!
Cindy Jacobs: Exactly. So you see where I'm going with this. Honestly, Ken, I think I'm sitting on a goldmine here. I can transfer my annointing to each any every piece of clothing we produce. Any self-respecting Charismatic woman who wants to look her best and operate in apostolic power will definitely be wearing Cindy Jacobs this year.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Aren't you really saying that, as Christians, we don't have to settle for second-class garments or hand-me-downs? I mean, we're King's Kids, right?
Cindy Jacobs: Ken, that is exactly what I'm saying.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Boy, this puts a whole new spin to whole "walking in the annointing" thing. Partners, this is very exciting! All right, Cindy, this new line of designer clothes, will it just be for women? You're not gonna leave us boys out in the rain, are you?
Cindy Jacobs: Ha, ha! No, Ken, don't worry. I've designed some very nice things for you men. In fact, we've sent prototypes of all Cindy Jacobs designs to every male member of the International Coalition of Apostles. So far, we've gotten nothing but rave reviews.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Amen!
Cindy Jacobs: Annnndddd. Also, for you fellas...
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Yea? Yeaaaa?
Cindy Jacobs: I have designed a special line of very naughty underthings just for the gals. I'm calling it the "Simply Cindy" collection. Pure silk. Crimson and hot pink. You know Victoria's Secret?
Fake Kenneth Copeland: That is none of your bidness.
Cindy Jacobs: Huh?
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Never mind. Continue.
Cindy Jacobs: And like everything else in the line, each item in the "Simply Cindy" collection is embroidered with a scripture verse. And, again, they all come with my transferrable annointing.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: What about washing? Does it dilute the annointing?
Cindy Jacobs: No, it doesn't. Same for dry-cleaning. I've written extensively about this subject in my book, The Super-Natural Life. Chapter 4 is entitled "Does Dry Cleaning Hurt the Anointing?" Seriously. Check out my book and you'll see.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Okay, final question. I'm sorry to do this, but you know Grassley has been riding my butt these last few months. So I have to ask you: where does the money go?
Cindy Jacobs: A portion of every purchase will go toward keeping my web site, Generals International, up and running. The rest of the money will go to fund my Light The Highway project. Have you heard of it?
Fake Kenneth Copeland: No.
Cindy Jacobs: Oh, it's great. Light The Highway is dedicated to people who want to make Interstate 35 a highway for the Lord.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Interstate 35? Why I-35?
Cindy Jacobs: Because that is the highway God speaks about in Isaiah 35.
"And an highway shall be there, and a way, and it shall be called The way of holiness" -- Isaiah 35:8Fake Kenneth Copeland: I see. And you're saying that Interstate 35 equals Isaiah 35.
Cindy Jacobs: That's right.
Fake Kenneth Copeland: You know, don't you, that chapters weren't added to the Bible until around the 13th century?
Cindy Jacobs: I know! Isn't that awesome how God knew about I-35 way back then?
Fake Kenneth Copeland: Hmm. Okay, well, that's all we have time for today. Cindy, thank you so much for stopping by. I know in my knower that you are gonna do gangbusters with the Cindy Jacobs collection. You have a very strong annointing. You'll do well. I decree it!
Cindy Jacobs: Thank you, Ken. And it's Doctor.