Clipping John's Wings; Pastor Shepherd Has Potential

I'm sure many of you know my son, John. As CEO of Fake Kenneth Copeland Ministries, John has been getting a lot of face time lately, with all the persecution we've been getting from Mr. Grassley and the biased news coverage of the Left Wing Media, an adjunct of the National Democrat Party.

Unfortunately, John isn't doing nearly as well as I had hoped. Okay, okay, that's an understatement. Our marketing team informed me last week that John is faring very poorly with focus groups. Specific comments include: "boring," "appears disinterested," "glassy-eyed," "not as funny as his daddy," and "much too tall."

You can image how heartbreaking this news was to me. As a father, I've always wanted the best for all my kids. And, as you well know, I've done everything within my power -- and, of course, within IRS guideline -- to get it for them.

Yet, even with all the advantages that my money and my power and my fame has bought brought him, John has failed to perform. It wasn't an easy decision. Actually, it's probably been one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make. But you know what? I'm a little god man of God. I must be strong. I must set an example for others.

So effective today, bless god, I'm clipping John's wings. That means no more press appearances. No more talk shows. No more all-expense paid hunting trips in my the ministry's Citation X-10 jet. And no, John will not inherit my kingdom here at Fake Kenneth Copeland Ministries.

Now for the good news. We're now taking applications for Executive VP of Fake Kenneth Copleand Ministries. With all the perks we offer, you can be sure the competition for such a position is going to be fierce.

But rather than posting a list of qualifications on Monster.Com, I thought it'd just be much easir to just post an actual video of the kind of person I'm looking for. His name is Pastor Shepherd, a fellow Texan out of Houston. He's a hard-working, ambitious young man, with some terrific ideas about how to market the gospel minister to the poor. He and his staff are doing some great work through his fledgling ministry, Prayer Hour. Mark my words, partners, this young man is definitely going places.

Pastor Shepherd, if you're out there, give me a call. My number is 1-800-GOD-CASH. We need to talk, Brother.